Yesterday, I got a real shock, although I guess I should not have been too surprised.
A person that I shall not name was a very close friend both here on Facebook, and also a real-life friend as well. He is British, his wife is from Davao. They tend to come to Davao every year or two, and we always get together at least once while they are in town. What is intended for a quick meeting, maybe an hour always goes on and on for hours because we are having such a great time together? I honestly, really both my male friend and his wife as well. Feyma was also close with them. I’ll call him Joe.
Well, yesterday morning< I was checking Facebook to see what my various friends were up to. I realized that I had not heard from Joe for a while, and I was kind of worried about him. He is usually very active. So, I went over to his profile page to check on him. There it was staring me in the face, we were no longer friends! I was honestly shocked, I could not believe that he would unfriend me, because we had been very close for years.
Not only was Joe no longer my friend, but I went over to his wife’s profile and again… I had been unfriended. I noticed that Joe also unfriended Feyma, although his wife was still friends with Feyma. I felt sick about it all day long
I wondered.. had I said or done something that offended these friends? I could think of nothing, but sometimes things written are taken in the wrong way, maybe that was the case. I did recall that the last time that Joe and I interacted with each other, he was upset about my fasting. He did not think it was a good idea for me to be fasting, although I have my doctor’s approval and encouragement, and I am also researching deeply into what I am doing, and following doctors from all over the world. I just could not fathom that somebody would unfriend me over fasting, though. Especially somebody who was a “real” friend and had been for years.
I decided to send him a message on Facebook Messenger and ask him what had happened, and that I hoped we could work things out.
Later in the day, I got a reply from him. What he said shocked me.
From what he told me, he had abandoned our friendship because:
- He did not like that I was fasting.
- He was tired of reading about health information on my Facebook.
- He only wants to read what I wrote if it is about living in the Philippines.
- When I suggest 6-day fasting, it is crazy.
- What I am saying is “not for him”
- I should stick to what I do best, and write “things Filipino”.
- He is no longer interested in being friends on Facebook.
There is an old saying – a “friend in need is a friend indeed”.
Last year, in 2016, I came very close to dying. I mean very close. After I got through the ordeal of a heart attack and quadruple heart bypass surgery, I decided I better take control of my health. I want to live longer and see my kids mature, get married and have kids of their own. I want to enjoy more years with my wife and my other family. That meant that I had to take action.
The actions I have taken including a ketogenic diet, fasting, more exercise, weight loss, etc. have worked wonders for me. I am nearing a weight of 240 lb now. At one time I weighed 430 pounds. In the past year, my maximum weight was 320 lb, so I have lost 80 pounds in the past year, and overall from my peak weight, I am down 190 pounds. Those are big changes that I have worked hard for. I believe that the changes I have made already have extended my life by many years, and I am not yet done making changes and continuing with the already implemented changes.
If a person disagrees with something I am doing, that does not mean that they should no longer be a friend. They can say “Bob, what you are doing is not what I think is the right way to go, but I wish you well and I am behind you in improving your health, good luck to you.” Something like that is a friend. The actions that Joe took are not a friend at all. I have had a number of friends tell me that what I am doing is not what they think is right, but wish me good luck. I have no problem with that at all. Thankfully, I have had huge numbers of people supporting me in what I am doing, and many even following my lead and doing the same things themselves, and reporting great results, like what I have experienced. I have no interest in selling what I am doing to others. When I write about it, I am only telling you what I am doing and how it is working.
I really do feel terrible about this, because I valued the friendship with both Joe and his wife. I mean, these are people I really care for. What do they want me to do, relent and say, “OK, I’ll get back up to 300 lb as soon as I can so we can still be friends.” I am sorry, but I am not going to do that. No matter how much I value friendship, I value the potential of my time with my wife, kids, and grandkids even more. If it comes down to those two choices, I know which way I will go every time.
As I have said before, the very hardest part about fasting is dealing with people who don’t understand and are against it. What a shame.
Hasta la vista, Joe. I wish you well, but you have really shown me your true colors now.
There’s a lot of people like your friend !!! If its working for you go for it !! its your life ……. Take care
Thanks Tom. Yeah, a lot of people are like that… I don’t like it though! Thanks for your support.
I am not fasting like you are but I am staying away from carbs
Hey, Richard – Fasting is not a big requirement or anything. Whatever works for you is great! Congratulations and good luck to you!
Well, maybe he doesn’t realize that you can just unfollow someone, and then you don’t see their posts, but you are not unfriended. I unfollow people when they post a lot of things I am not interested in, and it just clutters up my feed. Maybe he thinks it either see all your posts, or unfriend…
On the other hand, if he is truly offended by you health choices and your posts about them, that is sad. It does hurt. I am guessing there are other things he is having a hard time with in his life right now as well. You can still care about him, even if he doesn’t care about you.
I am glad so many are being helped by the things you are posting!
Thank you Luanne, I appreciate your input. I did think about why he did not just unfollow my posts, but who knows.
Today, after my rant in this article, I feel a bit liberated from the topic. If that is how he feels, so be it. He just turned out not to be the friend that I thought he was. Life goes on.
I stand with you 100% Bob. I went through a similar situation 10yrs ago with a former best friend of 45yrs….He burned the bridge with his lies & deceit & we are no longer friends since then. We live & learn those true colors sometimes painfully but time marches on brother & no looking back. I hope all’s well there Bob. All’s well up here in Imus Cavite – Sept.1st is1yr anniversary of my arrival here & got engaged May 22nd to my little Filipino honey here. 😀
Thank you Michael. I don’t mind if a person disagrees with me, we all have our own thoughts and nothing wrong with that. But, this guy’s actions were very hurtful to me! I am sorry that we both had to experience this kind of thing! Very sad.
Sorry. People are funny creatures.
Indeed, JC.
I have many friends that post of things not necessarily to my taste. If it bothers me too much I just select “see less” or “unfollow”. I still stay friends and still see posts they post directly to me. I see no reason to unfriend! It is his loss.
Nice to hear from you, Deb. Yeah, i do the same! Mostly when it comes to political posts… I hate those! 🙂
We each much do what we feel is right for our self and if it is working for you MORE POWERN TO U. I know ur struggle as I have fought weight all my life, too. My weight peak lower than your but it too was up there. Everyone told me to get my eating under control, to work out more. It helped un oil I hit my late 40’s. Had to have knee surgery and could not walk long ways, could not does the big work outs in the gym. Still tried but it hurt, Then I found out I had asthma and cancer, 3 surgeries later and almost 2 years recovering my weight took over. And diabetes jumped it to add. Yet I was still hearing the same thing eat less and workout more. And I have lost weight, in the last 2 years I have lost 50 pounds then arthritis found me. And the Orthopedist told me.this are symptoms of what is really wrong with me
Hi Luke, how are you? In this case, both of the people involved (Joe and his wife) are thin, especially the wife, she is very thin. I don’t think they understand the lifelong struggle that both of us has been through. They can’t comprehend it.
I know the type people, eat what they want and never gain. More power to them, but they should not judge others. I am doing well and my wife is busy getting ready for my birthday party- 70 years old in a few days. Just know I support u
I agree Luke. Happy Birthday to you! Enjoy it, you deserve it!
I am NOT a doctor, but a good friend in the medical field ( PhD Neuropharmacology) suggests taking perhaps 600 mg of ibuprofen daily for one week per month. Evidently, inflammation resulting from modern diet results in inflammation and results in cardio/cancer issues. If the doctor agrees, this might be reasonable.
Your fasting articles are useful info for many. Not just those trying to get weight under control. There are other health benefits. Great articles.
Thank you William. I completely agree with you. Fasting can help or even cure many health issues, not only weight. I am excited to share the things I have learned with others who need the help. I guess my “friend” can’t really comprehend that.
Sad…really…people should be happy for your dedication and progress..
You and I take different paths…to achieve our health goals…no one way is for everybody..whatever worked for you….kudos for sticking with it…
That is what I thought too, Will. Every person should take the path that works for them. Our bodies are all different.
Bob Martin indeed…we are living proof..I’m back on my strict vegetarian..not vegan..diet..some of my numbers were a bit out of whack..and I’m gonna correct that..however..I took some of your advice and fast on 18:6 fasting with only one solid meal a day…my breakfast this am was a banana/mango/papaya/apple smoothie…quite tasty….
Congratulations Will, that’s great.
Bob Martin and you as well ..sometimes a wake up event is good…
sad to hear that. but maybe he wasn’t a true friend in the first place.
I agree, Millet. If he was a real friend he would not have reacted in that way. Thanks for your support!
Bob, I’m sorry to hear about this situation in your life. It is exactly because of this kind of thing that both my wife, and I decided not to mention her lung cancer, after she was first diagnosed, except to our closest family members. Even with them, we would not discuss it, and just give a status report when asked like, “I’m doing better, or ok, … or … the docs are working on it… I’m ffine.” My wife was gravely ill for two years ultimately dying from the radiation treatment rather than the cancer…. We both felt our lives were better not having to talk about it over those two years. As a result, we never experienced any negative reactions from our friend and family. I clearly remember my wife saying during that initial disciussion …”I do not want all the conversation during the rest of my life to be about my cancer. I want my life to be the same as before until I die.”
I am sorry about that, Don, that is very sad. I guess one of the reasons that I want to share as much as possible is that when I finished my heart surgery, I decided that I wanted to fix my health, and be and advocate for others so they could avoid the kind of problems that I experienced, or fix those problems if they already exist. I feel a calling to do it.
Bob Martin I understand. It is obvious. I was not criticizing you. You did what you needed to do at the time. Let somone walk in your shoes b4 they judge you.
Oh yes, Don, I did not think we wee in disagreement, I was just explaining why our tacts were different.
You keep doing what you are doing in all aspects brother! You are an inspiration and a friend to many. Sorry your friend lost sight of what a true friend means.
Thanks, Jon. I appreciate your support!
My pleasure brother! Be safe and enjoy the beautiful life you have worked hard to create!
Bob, I can’t believe how shallow people can be. Based on what you have told us, he was not a true friend, but acquaintance. True friends never give up on their friends because they become part of an extended family. I cheer your success and I am encouraged by what you write too. In fact, I have been reading about the benefits of fasting. You will never lose me as a friend Bob and I pray for you always. I want to be able to meet you one day in Davao to celebrate your success and most of all being a friend. Keep up the writing I love it and so much enjoy reading your posts. Your friend always, Terry
Terry, I appreciate your kind words very much, thank you.
Here’s my confession: I don’t actually read everything on Facebook. It’s true! 🙂 Usually you can tell in the first couple of sentences if it is of interest. If it’s not, move on. If I read everything from everyone to which I am connected, I would do nothing else.
Absolutely, Tom! Just keep one thing in mind.. if you ever unfriend me, we are going to have a serious conversation! 🙂
Bob Martin Not going to happen, my friend. I think we are a good example of friends who don’t have to agree on every issue. People so often want to sweat the little stuff. It’s the big stuff that matters to me (i.e. How a person treats their family, friends, and others around them).
So true, Tom. I know we are on completely opposide sides on politics, but that does not matter to me. I think it a strength that we can disagree, but still be friends!
Its a shame to lose a friend that way , if it happened to me I wouldn’t consider him much of a friend , if he didn’t have the respect to talk to me about it and just end things , sorry to hear that Bob , but what people say and do , I believe have nothing to do with me , continued good health Bob ðª
Thank you, Lorne. I guess I should say he did talk to me a while back and tried to convince me to stop fasting. I explained to him why I was fasting, and I told him we would have to agree to disagree. So, in fairness he did talk to me. But, I have to do what is best for my health, and the results have proven to me that fasting has been of great benefit to me. Thanks, Lorne.
Sad to hear about your FB friend. Well keep on with your health and life style changes Bob. I am pulling for you to make your goals.
Thank you Ralph. I appreciate that very much.
There’s now’t so queer as folk.
I wonder if he will have anyone to chat to next time he visits Davao.
You have a wonderful group of friends who are backing you, pity he couldn’t agree to not agree.
All the Best
Hi Marjorie – Nice to hear from you, hope you are doing well!
Funny thing is that “Joe” and I have agreed to disagree on issues in the past and it never caused harm to our friendship. I really don’t understand it.
Bob I think you are very brave to engage in the level of fasting that you are. Obviously this is working for you and would most likely work for me as well. I am trying to build up some minor successes with fasting so I can step up to a higher level. I am trying to not eat in the evenings. One large meal in the top half of the day and very little in the mid afternoon and a couple of bites in the evening of something high protein and high fat.
All of that to say, I support you even though, at this time, I cannot perform at the high level that you are â I am not intimidated by your success.
We, most likely, will not see each other again as I have no plans to visit Mindanao. Marbel is too “hot” for a Cano at this time. Perhaps if the political climate changes for non-muslims in that province I will consider returning to visit family. As it is we plan to stay with friends in Palawan and bring family to visit us there and/or my wife will go to Marbel to visit family.
As for your loss of a friend, I too lost a long-time friend about 7 years ago. It was a particularly ugly and public scene on Facebook. It still hurts. People have become so polarized today and sensitive on the receiving end and insensitive on the transmitting end. Keep up the good work and don’t let anyone drag you down with the “crab mentality”. Crabs will pull another crab back down into the bucket who is attempting to escape. Blessings from Wrangell, Alaska.
Hi Dale, I can certainly understand what you’re saying about people being so poor eyes, it’s so true. Hey I want to say good luck to you on expanding your fasting, and achieving great success. It sounds like you’re on the right path.
Just crab mentality. I’ve seen it over the years an overweight couple one loses weight, gets healthy and the relationship falls apart. They were companions in misery. Also if someone annoys me on Facebook I unfollow then I just don’t see what they post unless I look for it.. Keep.up striving to get healthy it’s an inspiration for me to do the same.
Hi Wally, interesting thoughts there. You know, it’s funny, I’ve been thinking about writing an article in regards to what you were saying about friends, or couples breaking up when one loses a lot of weight, it seems their compatibility is no longer the way it used to be. It’s an interesting topic. As far as my wife and I, we don’t have any of those kind of problems, we have a very close relationship, and she’s not fat anyway, so that all seems good to me.
Bob Martin I’ve seen it happen when one partner quits drinking or smoking or starts going to church. I know my first marriage fell apart due to this. When I was 340 everything was fine. Lost the weight we fell apart.
Quite interesting.
Teaching computer classes in the inner city I’m Baltimore I also saw the same thing. When they start technical college everything is fine about a year in with six months to go they drop. I ask why and it’s the spouse, mother, etc. That gets on them. “You think you are better than us” or “your moving to the suburbs whtn you graduate and get a new job”..
Thank you so much for sharing that!
You’re welcome Albert, have a great day.
Hey that fat you packed around all those years was a lot closer to you than the so called friend. I say good riddance to both. Think it’s great what you have accomplished and the x friend will be super easy to replace.
I love it BigP. Thanks for cheering me up!
He’s obviously a moron. I don’t even know you but I enjoy reading all your stuff on social media. Next…
Thanks George!
Bob I think I saw a study once where 80% of all bariatric patients end up getting divorced. They warn them about that in pre-surgery counseling.
Wow, Wally, that’s amazing, I never had any idea.
this article says 80-85% https://www.healthcentral.com/article/divorce-rate-after-bariatric-surgery-is-high-my-bariatric-life
A selfish friend kuya Bob Martin take care always. God bless
Yes, but not so much a friend I guess.
Hi Bob this bloke has obviously some mental issues. Good its not affecting you. I have a brother in New Zealand who I used to chat with nearly everyday until recently. My sisters daughter did something absolutely sickening and I just remarked to my brother that she has brought disgrace to our family name as it was a big story in the media. He gave me a lecture about forgiveness and unfrieded my on F/B and Skype. I know he has a lot on his mind and coincidently on a keto diet so I think your exfriend may have similar problems which makes me think is the cause of his odd behaviour.
Lol
Weird thought process , kind of grade schoolish. You’re on the right track and your friends will support you , don’t let anyone derail you.
I agree.
I’d bet..he’s overweight..and jealous of your success..
I suppose he’s a little bit overweight, but not really very much.
Bob Martin ..Ok….when I first went vegetarian…I had a lot of people in way worse condition than I was …telling me how bad that that was for me..
Sometimes others don’t wish for you to succeed…
Hope you patch things up with your friend..l
Day 3 on my return to vegetarian…morning BS …71..admittedly with metformin…I’m going to have to watch that carefully ..that’s a bit low…
I really do believe that, a lot of people who call themselves friends really don’t want you to succeed. Very sad.
That sounds pretty childish or insecure to me. Just keep on doing what works for you as long as your doctor says your health is good – sounds like you’re on the right track! You can’t please everyone.
That’s very true, I guess you have to do what you know is right, and not worry what other people think. Those who are against it or not really friends anyways.
Exactly right!
Sorry that happened like that.
Thank you William, I appreciate that.
You’re welcome.
Bob, 190 lbs…wow! Great effort. We all have different paths to our own goals. Sorry to hear about your friendship.
Thank you very much, John, I appreciate your kind words of encouragement.
Sometimes what we think is a real friendship is just one sided.
That is so true, Maynard. Sometimes it is an important friendship for us, but turns out it is unimportant to the other person. Hope you are doing well!
Bob thanks for asking Bob i wish you and your family the best.
We are all doing great, thank you very much. All the best.
Very shallow. A friend who isn’t willing to put up with another friend’s Facebook posts isn’t a friend worth having. It’s like a friend not willing to listen to your problems, but you’re all ears when they need something. Very childish and it’ll be his loss of losing a great friend! It’s pretty upsetting tbh that people think they can treat you this way. I’ve learned a lot of patience by having a family and understand violence is not the answer, but sometimes it feels good to imagine yourself smacking someone in the mouth for being a complete jackass to other people.
Thanks, Alexander! You say the truth, brother!
Upset about someone else’s fasting? Ridiculous. Fasting is good for you, as was discovered a few thousand years ago.
I agree Donald, it really baffled me when you told me that. I get a lot of negative feedback about fasting, but to unfriend somebody? Sounds crazy.
Religions incorporated fasting into their rituals. Many modern thinking people don’t like to admit that it’s superior to medical advice given by professionals.
I have really been shocked at the number of things in my body that have been cured due to fasting. The benefits to my health has been tremendous. I don’t see how it could even be denied by anybody.
I try to skip meals too.
Right now I am on day 3 of my current fast. I usually Fast 6 days per week, and I eat on Saturdays. It’s really not hard, I actually I find it quite easy.
Fasting and feasting.
Exactly.
The other thing you might want to try is weight lifting if you’re not already.
Hi Bob…unfortunately, many folks follow the philosophy that if you don’t follow or agree with their beliefs, then they cannot value your friendship. Truly, it is their loss!! You need to do what is right for you!! Taking control of your health is so important and you’ve shown that it can be accomplished with strong preserverance!! Kudos to you, Bob!! I enjoy ready your very informative articles and truly appreciate your insights!! Best wishes for your next 50 years!!
Makes no sense to me. You are free to live as you choose, and I generally agree with the path you have chosen. If I didn’t agree, I could choose not to read your health articles. Very simple. Don’t let this bother you, and keep up the good work!
Thanks Jerry.
I had a friend unfriend me only because i have friends in the phillpines. Crazy never the less shocking
Wow, amazing.
If he ended a friendship because of how you are trying to improve your health, he wasnt’ the friend you thought he was.
Yep, that is about the only way you can look at it! It is sad though.
Well Bob
You have found out that he wasn’t truly a friend all along. It’s unfortunate that he unfriended, he could still disagree with you and remain friends.
Just my opinion
Mark
Hi Mark – In the past if we had an issue that we disagreed about it was not a problem. We simple agreed to disagree and went on without issue. That is why it was a big shock to me.
Cut your losses
Yep! Done.
he could have at least just unfollowed you…
Hi Orman – Nice to hear from you, hope you are doing well.
Yep. Not sure if he knows how to unfollow or what that means. He has been a close friend both on FB and in real life, though, so the action he took was way over the top!
Hi Orman â Nice to hear from you, hope you are doing well.
Yep. Not sure if he knows how to unfollow or what that means. He has been a close friend both on FB and in real life, though, so the action he took was way over the top!
Bob have you tried reaching out to him again?
Yes, I did, but the response was the same. I’ve written him off now. No need to agonize over it.
Bob time to move forward…
Indeed! Might was well not worry, just be happy and move forward with the time!
Wow, it says a whole lot about him and his character!!!
I agree it sure does!
Bob I have had people also unfriend me over making some conservative comments. I don’t like to see some of my friends making liberal comments or criticizing our president, but I just keep scrolling down the page. I have never unfriended someone for their opinion. He sounds to have been more of an acquaintance than a true friend. By the way I have lost many other so called friends in my real life, when I was no longer useful to them. After I moved to another state and was not handy to loan money to many of my friends, I never hear from them any more. Sometimes we are so easily fooled. The bottom line is that I don’t think you really lost a friend, he did not seem to be one in the first place, except in your deceived mind.
I can relate to you Bruce- esp about money
He did seem a very close friend to my wife and I. But, his true feelings have now been revealed.
Humans…..always disappoint…..smhð
Ha ha.. we are all guilty, Al, no doubt!
What? Just like because you have a belief and plans for your life? Unfriend you? Lot if BS! Shallow friendship
Yes, it really is unbelievable.
Wow. Sorry Bob. Some people are just like that.
I agree Byron, some people are just like that. Oh well, I’ve moved on now.
Sorry Bob, been there and done that. My niece, almost 40 years old, with whom I thought I could have intelligent, adult conversation, not only unfriended me but blocked me over a simple differing of opinion. Hurt? You bet but I moved on.
What a coincidence got. My niece blocked me a few months ago. I still don’t even know why.
That’s not a friend at all, Bob for me a friend is supposed to be there to listen to, encourage you, comport you…..God bless
Very true!
That sucks…but people have preconceived images of what people should be like. I for one enjoy reading all your posts, life in Phil, health matters, family. All good to me.
Thank you so much, Jim, I appreciate that!
he’s NOT a “friend”, Bob! a friend is somebody whom you can count on especially in times of “need” such as moral support, for one..a friend is someone you can have a healthy discussion with of, I don’t know, whatever subject you can talk about and, despite having difference of opinions still remain friends!!
Absolutely, Nene! My evaluation of him as being a “good friend” was certainly off the mark, sadly.
well all I can say Bob is it’s his loss!
Thank you Nene, I appreciate that.
my pleasure Bob 🙂
In time everyone will always show their true colors. Stay true to yourself Bob, true friends will always reveal themselves.
Good thoughts, Mark, and I believe that this “friend” did reveal his true feelings.